WEEKEND PREVIEW! THE TRIUMPHANT RETURN!

OMGZZZ!!! ITS THE RETURN OF THE WEEKND PRVIWZZZ!!!!!!1111

Opening this weekend is Friday the 13th. Because the date is FRIDAY THE 13TH! Clever marketing, studio big wigs. You guys are smart.

While that film looks good, the original was boring as shit. Like watching fucking paint dry man. So I’m sure some people will like it. They’ll take their girlfriends and if the movie sucks they can try for an HJ in the theater, but I’m going to pass on this remake. I’ll wait for the remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still. Oh wait….

Also playing, which looks to be much more fun to be had than Jason BORE-hees ( get it! LOLZ ) is Confessions of a Shopaholic. This film is one that everyone can enjoy, mind you, you might not be able to go for the aforementioned HJ like in the previous film, but you will actually enjoy this film. Its about this girl who maxes out all of her credit cards and then has to make a real living for herself and its funny because she didn’t know how to before! It stars Isla Fisher, you know the crazy girl from Wedding Crashers, and, umm, that other movie she was in, umm….

Moving Along. The International steamrolls into theaters this weekend also.  Starring Clive Owen and the eternally hott Naomi Watts.

Damn Girl. Shes like 40. Still smoking hot. Fuck. Who doesn’t want to hit that? I mean even King Kong wanted to tap that ass. And a 100 foot gorilla is never wrong.

So those are the top three.

I personally will be attending a screening of Under the Sea 3D. An Imax 3D adventure that takes you to Earth’s most exotic undersea locations, face to face with the stunning creatures of the sea. It looks badass.

You could go see Two Lovers if you’re a pussy or if you just want to see the trainwreck that now is Joaquin Phoenix. If its an act or not I don’t care, what I do know is he is going to end up like his brother with blood coming out of his mouth.

What?

I was fucking talking about when River played Young Indiana Jones in Last Crusade. When he cracks the whip and cuts himself. You guys thought I was talking about him being dead and OD’ing?

You guys are fucking sick bastards.