Zack and Miri DUELING REVIEWS!

So here it is boys and girls, both of our reviews for Zack and Miri Make a Porno. First up is Jeromys and then Brians.

Written totally seperate from each other. So if they’re similar it just goes to show that we’re gay. Here it is, HOT OFF THE PRESSES!

Review numero uno by Jerome

Once again Kevin Smith got me.  He made a movie with dick and fart jokes but yet still made me fall in love with every character.  Ive seen every Smith film and I enjoy all of them.  I thought he made his masterpiece with Clerks II, but I was wrong. Smith went back to the well for Clerks II and that’s not a bad thing at all. His film prior to that, Jersey Girl was panned because he stepped out his world he created and tried something new. Or maybe it was panned because it fucking sucked.  No, it was good. But back to Z and M.  He took the humor from Clerks II and spliced it with the heart of Jersey Girl. In this dick and fuck fest Smith once again left his world, but like a great filmmaker he didnt leave the feel of it behind.  Right from the start you know its a Kevin Smith film. There’s a musical montage ending with a great burning ball hair joke. What was very important to this movie was that the audience had to believe that Zack and Miri were best friends, that they had chemistry. Smith wastes no time establishing that. Seth Rogan plays Zack and Elizabeth Banks plays Miri. Rogan just fucking owns every scene hes in all his films. He’s just a naturally funny guy and fits right into the Kevin Smith mold of a leading man.  Banks is so beautiful and is really funny.  That’s hard to pull off because women aren’t funny.  Craig Robinson plays Zack’s best friend and if Rogan wasn’t so money Robinson would’ve stolen every scene.  And Im not saying that because he’s black.  Jason Mewes PLAYS A DIFFERENT CHARACTER!!!  And he was really really good.  I’ll never look at him the same way ever again.  Traci Lords plays a chick who blows bubbles out of her old cunt.  Katie Morgan, an actual porn star, wasn’t half bad. She didn’t annoy me as much as I thought she going to.  Jeff Andersen, another Smith main stay, was great but under used in my opinion.  I think Andersen and Rogan could be magic for Smith if he chooses to go down that path.

Kevin Smith has a way of telling a beautiful and believable love story like no one else can.  He takes this tale of two people falling in love and wraps it in a cockcoon of anal sex but yet somehow I’m still left feeling like I’ve watched a warm heart felt film…even if Jeff Andersen is shit on by Katie Morgan.  I truely believe this is Kevin Smith’s best film.  I hope he works with Rogan again because they have something there.  Smith achieved something with Rogan that Judd Apatow could not. He made you believe Seth Rogan was in love with Elizabeth Banks, like real, pure love. That’s what Kevin Smith does best, He makes it all seem so fucking real.  Snoogins.

Review numero dos by Bri Guy

From Chasing Amy, where Holden is devastated to learn as to how many partners Alyssa has fucked, to Zack and Miri Make a Porno, where it is obvious he doesn’t care who is fucking who; Kevin Smith has come into his own. In Amy, for those who haven’t seen it, Holden McNeil cannot overcome the past of Alyssa Jones, played by Ben Affleck and Joey Lauren Adams respectively. But in Porno, Smith suggests promiscuous behavior from the get-go.

The film debuted at number 2 in its opening weekend, but not because it is a poor flick. This film with script alone is solid from start to finish. Kevin Smith reels you in from curtain open with one liners that only he can put on the page and persuade into the actors mouths. A lot of critics talk about the mainly Judd Apatow cast, but fuck ‘em. If it wasn’t for Smith making Clerks there would be no Apatowian cast.

Justin Long and Brandon Routh make a nice looking gay couple in the flick. And I’m not so sure B.J. Routh isn’t a little gay in real life. Did you see Superman Returns? Dude didn’t even throw a punch. And how do you think he got the part? I can say it’s a safe bet Brandon knows what Bryan Singer’s kryptonite is, if ya catch my drift.

Obviously Seth Rogen is balls out funny. No, that wasn’t a pun, you do not see Rogen’s nut bag. But however we do finally get full frontal from Jason Mewes, after being teased with his ass and the “Goodbye Horses” tuck in Clerks 2. That isn’t the best part of the scene though, as I walked away learning what a Dutch Rudder is. I myself am more interested in the Double Dutch Rudder. “It’s not gay.”

But besides the dicks and balls, there is a love story brewing underneath all of the fucking for money. And Elizabeth Banks sells it well. She makes you believe she is falling for Zack as he takes the reigns and tries to pay rent. Its comparable to the story of Clerks 2 where Rosario Dawson made you believe she actually would fuck Brian O’Halloran. But in this movie, Banks one ups her. In a role originally written for Rosario, Elizabeth Banks steals the movie. Not only is she funny, but she does it while still coming off attractive, even in granny panties. I can’t picture Rosario or anyone else making a better Miri, and taking Seth Rogens dick with more dignity, than Banks.

What with the title and the posters being banned and the original NC-17 rating, this film is catching a bad rap to say the least. It is a perfect date movie. It has something for everyone. Take your girlfriend. You’ll be happy because: Yes it has tits. She’ll be happy because: Yes it has balls. Yes it has Mewes’ cock. (With well trimmed pubes I might add.) But it is also extremely heartfelt and sweet. This film is the best looking Kevin Smith movie to date, and the most appealing. I was hoping for a little more Jeff Anderson, but I’m not crying over spilled milk. I feel like Jeff Anderson really got shit on in screen time. You’ll see what I’m talking about when you go see it. (Ok, maybe your girlfriend doesn’t like looking at balls or full frontal cock, but after the film ask her for a Dutch Rudder and she’ll be more than willing to give out. I promise.)

The other movies were great. Everything in the Askewniverse. Chasing Amy and Clerks 2 being my obvious favorites. But he has left that all behind. He no longer has that crutch to lean on. A world already set up for him where everyone knows where the Quick-Stop is, and no one will take a chocolate covered pretzel from Brody. This film stands alone. It may not make $100 million. The mainstream audience may not see it because of the word “Porno” in the title. But once again, fuck ‘em. This is an outstanding film. This is a film that, if anything, Kevin Smith can be very proud of.

I can’t believe it.

Beverly Hills Chiuhuhhuhuhua has been dethroned at the box office! Ladies and Gentlemen, you heard it here first! I give you the new weekend winner:

THE PUNISHER

MAX PAYNE

Calm yourselves! Please!

Taking in an even 18 mil this weekend fucking Max Payne took the #1 spot. It will be short lived though as I am sure Saw 17 is going to win out this upcoming weekend, and with a tagline of “You won’t believe how it ends!”, who isn’t going to go see that? I mean I’m pretty sure I can guess the ending. So here goes:

Jigsaw, now dead, has one last game up his dead sleeve and unleashes it on 5 unsuspecting people. They have to work together to get out, but people are stubborn and think they can do it themselves (didn’t this already happen in Saw 2? ) But they can’t and they band together but most of them die, and in the end I guess there might be a cliffhanger where there is another game, or Jigsaw is alive, or it was all a dream. Yeah. Thats going to be it. And I can’t believe it!

But alas, Saw will only be king of the weekend for one week as Kevin Smith’s Zack and Miri Make a Porno is going to own hard the following weekend. We will have full reviews on that the night after it comes out. AND Something special for you……………an interview with Kevin Smith!

Fuck. I’m sorry. I was fibbing you. We don’t have that kind of pull yet. I mean, come on. Kevin Smith has better things to do than have us blow him and answer our questions all day. There won’t be an interview but there will be……….

DUELING REVIEWS! This is where me and Jeromy both see a film together and don’t speak at all on the car ride home and then review it. Man. That car ride is going to be awkward.

How awkward you ask? Like when Jesus first came back from the dead and went to that party and Pontius Pilate was there, awkward. Thats how awkward it’s going to be.

And its all for you guys. Feel special. I know I do.