Post Dark Knight Era Part Duex

G. I. Joe

Now this was a cartoon that I hated growing up. I could sit here and call it G. I. Blow or even make it as if the movie was speaking itself and call it, Gee, I Blow. But I won’t. I’m going to be much more mature about this and from here on out call it Pee I Blow. Do you see what I did there?

I can’t see there being many, if any, redeeming qualities in this movie. I don’t even know the character’s names. I guess there is one named Joe and I guess he fights that dude who wears a handkerchief with eye holes over his face. I hope Pee I himself knows how to do magic and make an audience appear in the seats.

Wolfman

I loved the original Wolfman. With Lon Chaney Jr. I even loved the Wolfman’s acting in Abbot and Costello meet Frankenstein. (Very Wolfman-ish) So when I heard that this film was being made I was super-duper excited. Benicio Del Toro. Great casting. Then I saw the trailer. Wow. This looks fucking amazing-

-ly shitty. The promotional pics are even worse. Looks like some dude in a costume from Halloween Adventure. (That’s Halloween Adventure! Clements Bridge Road, Deptford, NJ 856-848-2935. Store hours are Monday through Saturday 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. and Sunday 11 a.m. to 6 p.m.!) They should have just had Benicio not shave.

Spiderman 4 and 5

Two times the films. Two times the excitement. Two times the bullshit. Raimi and Tobey are both signed on again. And if these turn out to be anything like Spiderman 3 was, I think Stan Lee should burn Sony Studios to the ground. Watch 3 again if you don’t believe me. When Parker is “groovin’” down the street to buy a new outfit, whoever wrote that bit should be crucified. The only good thing about that movie was when they finally let James Franco stop acting like a robot and have a few good lines. Anyway, these are being shot back to back to make it look like 35 year old Tobey can still play 21 year old Parker. I hope Sandman comes back so we can all partake in more terrible facial expressions from Thomas Hayden Church. Is it just me or does he always look like he’s passing a kidney stone?

So that’s Part two. Coming up is Part 3 and we’ll be talking about Ghostbusters 3, Toy Story 3, Dune 3, Clerks 3, National Treasure 3, Rocky Horror Picture Show 3, and finally Titanic 3: Billy Zane’s Revenge.

Tomorrow I will have my review up of Bangkok Dangerous. Not that anyone cares.

The Post Dark Knight Era

So The Dark Knight was released and it was a smash hit to say the least. A years worth of viral marketing is finished. The hours of scanning messageboards hoping to get a new leaked pic of Heath Ledger as The Joker is over. No more of watching the trailers over and over again. Now we just have the movie, which dont get me wrong is what this whole thing has been building up to, but somehow i feel a void in my life now. What do I have to look forward to? What does the world have to look forward to? Nothing thats what. We’ve got about three years until Batman 3 comes out, so lets take a look at what we got until then.

Watchmen

Everyone and their mother is looking forward to this movie. I dont get it. When i went to see TDK, a teaser for this clusterfuck was shown. Everyone in the theater was practically moaning over it. Can someone explain to me how this looks good. Why is Russell from Stillwater dressed like Darkman? What is the Silver Surfer doing in this movie? Didnt he already fail as a movie character? Everyone tells me that you have to read the comics and then youll understand how epic this movie is…how bout no. How bout I”ve never read an Xmen comic in my life and those movies drew me in right away. Its a weak concept and will not translate well onto the big screen..now in a year I’ll probably consider this the best movie ever.

Transformers 2: Revenge of the who gives a shit

The first one was good. There I said it. Shia was funny and made the movie worth watching. There is no way this is gonna be good.

Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince

This is my favorite Harry Potter book, yea I read those books. I will defend Harry Potter to the death! Amazing books, and the movies are just as good. HBP has the best story out of all the novels. It goes deep into the Tom Riddle backround which is pretty badass. Its ashame that Warner Bros pushed this back to next year because well it just sucks. Gonna be a good one.

Terminator:Salvation

Christian Bale. Robots. Guns. All in.

And now for someting very close to my heart…..

Superman Reboot

In 2006, Superman Returns was released and it was a failure. That really hurts me to say because I love that movie and Superman in general. Hell, I even got the Returns logo tattooed on my arm…regret much? Because of the bomb, Warner Bros decided that the Superman franchise will go through a reboot with the focus being on a darker side of Kal-El. Im totally for this as long as Brandon Routh is considered for the role. He was incredible as Supes and hes young enough to work in a reboot. I hope they focus a little more on the the death of Krypton. I think it could really cool to actually see Krypton and not just Marlon Brando in a shitty wig yelling in a warehouse. The focus should be on the journey of him becoming Superman. He shouldnt just be Superman. They should just make Batman Begins but with powers. And for the love of god please get another Lois Lane. I didnt mind Bosworth, but Lane is a strong character and Bosworth is not a strong actress. Bryan Singer needs to go. He sucks cock. Bring in someone fresh someone like Jon Faverou..a fan..how bout Nic Cage…I”m sorry. Lets just hope it doesnt have to compete with Batman 3.

Well thats it. Its not as bad as it could be….just remember its only three years until Batman 3.