Knowing - best movie ever made

So I saw Knowing the other night.  Let me start by saying that this movie was fucking good.  That is a lie.  It was the worst movie I have ever seen.  Now I what you’re thinking.  Why would Jeromy go see this film?  It stars Nic Cage and he hasn’t made a decent movie in years (National Treasure 1 and 2 do not count because they would’ve been good with or without him).  Well to answer those questions, I was bored and had a free movie pass.  So it starts with some little girl writing numbers on a piece of paper.  Random fucking numbers…or are they!!!!  So this paper is put in a time capsule for some dumb school thing and is opened fifty years later by none other then Nic Cage’s son!  Mr. Cage quickly realizes that these numbers mean something.  Since he is a genius he notices that most of these numbers are dates of tragic events in the past fifty years.  it goes in this order, date and then the death toll.  But there are other numbers that don’t match up.  Once again because hes a genius he figures out those numbers are locations, like latitude and longitude.  He notices this right before hes witness to a horrific plane crash in which Cage tries to save everyone.  Trust me its fucking epic. So Nic decides to try and stop the remaining events from taking place.  Meanwhile his son is being followed by some creepy blonde dudes in suits that don’t talk.  I’m gonna skip to the ending because that’s when it gets really good.  Nic finds out that the world is ending and there is nothing he can do.  His son and some little girl were kidnapped by those blonde dudes and Cage tracks them down in the woods somewhere.  Nicholas threatens the guys but his son tells him its ok dad they are here to save us.  And Cage agrees and starts to follow the guys but his son informs him where they are going Cage can’t go.  At this point I started laughing because I knew excatly where they were going.  Nic Cage looks up and a fucking space ship appears and the dudes turn into aliens and this kids float up to the ship and apparently are taken to another planet to creat life.  The world ends and everyone dies.

Have we talked about Wolverine yet?

No?

Bro, what the fuck are we waiting for?

Sick as hell is a term I use a lot. And it isn’t stopping here.

This movie is going to be sick as hell.

Cause hell is fucking really sick, apparently.

The new trailer looks kind of weak, but, regardless, that won’t take away from how awesome its going to be.

Without further adieu:

Does Pixar ever make a bad movie?

I mean, its unbelieveable. Truly remarkable that I am a man now and still enjoy Pixar movies.

They have the fucking best writers and imagineers ever.

How hard do you think it is to make a movie that appeals to kids and adults?

Its fucking hard hombre.

Almost as hard as my raw dick in your moms ass last night.

Thats right. I fuck your mom in the ass.  Only because she doesn’t think you’ll want a little brother.

How fucking Sick is JJ Abrams?

Sick as hell, thats how sick.

On a scale of 1 to 10, its easily a 26.

After making Lost, the best TV show ever, he went on to do Cloverfield which I REALLY enjoyed no matter what anyone says. I paid 10 dollars to be entertained for 2 hours and I was.

Now he’s doing Star Trek. I never liked Star Trek growing up, I was more of a Star Wars guy and there is only room for one space saga in my heart, but now, this new movie looks sick as hell.

Dude, this guy could do a movie about two dogs fucking and as long as there’s a black smoke monster and I am constantly saying “Whaaaatttttt????!?!?!?!” in a really high pitched voice, questioning what just happened, I am all in sir. All in.

My Friend Steves Review of Push

Push came out recently.

Its got Dakota Fanning, who has no sex appeal whatsoever. I mean its like shes 15 or something.

And its got the guy from Fantastic Four who played the Human Torch. I mean I just can’t see him carrying an entire film, but I guess I was wrong and now they went ahead and did it.

So my friend Steve went to go see it and here is his review:

“Hey Bri, you want a review for your website?”

And I said, “Yeah.”

Then he said, “So I saw Push the other day.”

And I said, “Oh yeah? How was it?”

“Oh man! It was good. It was so good. Bro, it was so good that I got up and left 15 minutes in. I watched the first 15 minutes and decided that this movie fucking sucks and got up and left.”

He’s Just Not that Into You

So yeah,

I saw it.

Whats up now?

It was pretty good. I mean, not great, but it kept me interested.

Justin Long was his witty self, being the guy who is “just not into” Ginnifer Goodwin, who was pretty cute while being annoying. Which is hard to do. There are only some girls who can pull it off and Tila Tequila: You are not one of them! So knock it off bitch.

It was enjoyable and a good Valentines Day movie, which was a month ago, but I fell into a world of narcotics for a full month and have not seen a computer for 3 and a half weeks. I am not sorry it was the best month of my life. Thanks again Mikey Rourke!

The only bad thing about this film was, and maybe you have guessed it already: NOT ENOUGH AFFLECK!

I mean I fuckin paid 20 dollars to get in the door and the dude was so underused. And can anyone really love Jennifer Aniston? But he made you think someone could, which just shows you that Affleck is the most underrated actor Hollywood.

Scarlett Johanssons tits almost came out to play again, but, like every movie I see with them in it, alas, they did not. They stayed locked away in Ryan Reynolds’s’ssss’s;ss over the shoulder boulder holders.

And congratulations to me for being the first person to use the phrase “over the shoulder boulder holder” since 1976.

New Trailer to watch Fuckfaces

Watch it.
Love it.
Make Love to it.
New Movie from the guy who did Old School

I fuckin love it.
I know where I’m going to be June 5th and its not sitting at home crying because my website sucks.

No sir.

Its not that at all.