My Dads Review of Saw 5

I went to the Poconos this past weekend with the wife.

It was awesome.

I know you wished you had come with, but you couldn’t and I’m not sorry.

We went snowmobiling.

I know you wish you could have gone snowmobiling, but you couldn’t and, again, I am not sorry.

But anyway…

I walked in the door to come home, and my father was sitting on the couch and we chit chatted about the weather and other things.

He then told me he had seen Saw 5 recently.

I said to him, “Oh yeah? Tell me about it. What did you think?” Because I had not seen it.

So without further adu, here is my fathers review of Saw 5, word for word:

“Lets put it this way, there’s going to be another one.”

And there you have it! A tremendous review, and I hope that didn’t ruin the film for anyone who hasn’t seen it. I will try to get more reviews from him, but its hard when all he has been watching is I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.

A year ago today

On January 22, 2007 Heath Ledger died.  With Heath dying the world lost one of the greatest actors ever.  Every time he appeared on film he captivated the audience.  Not only did he have the typical Hollywood good looks, he also had the natural gift of acting.  It never seemed like Heath was acting.  He was just living.  I first saw him in Ten things I hate about you.  The movie isn’t that good but of course he owned every scene he was in.  Over the next few years he starred in A Knight’s Tale, The Patriot, Four Feathers, and The Brothers Grimm.  For the most part, these films were panned but He was also praised for his role.  In 2005 he made history by playing a gay cowboy in Brokeback Mountain.  The world finally saw Heath at his best.  He was nominated for best actor and in my opinion he should have won.

The Dark Knight

In 2006, it was announced that Heath Ledger would be portraying The Joker in the sequel to Batman Begins.  I was thrilled.  I never once considered him for the role but looking back I can’t imagine anyone else filling those clown shoes.  Early buzz on the film was crazy.  Everyone was talking about how amazing Heath’s performance was gonna blow everyone away.  It did more then that.  Sadly, Heath would never get to see his masterpiece.  He died 7 months before the release of the film.  I will always have the image of his body being rolled out of his hotel burnt into my memory.  Seeing photos of him and his daughter walking down the street just enrage me to think of what was lost on January 22, 2007.  Ironically, on the anniversary of his death, the academy announced that Heath Ledger is nominated for Best Supporting Actor for his portrayal of The Joker.  No doubt will he win, and no doubt will it be one of the most emotional moments in academy history

We all said goodbye to Heath a year ago, so today we should just remember how good he really was and how missed he is.

Growth on my balls

Yea I have an infection on my balls and I’ve been in bed for almost two weeks.  So I have had a lot of time to watch movies.  I’m gonna give you a brief summary of what I’ve watched and what I’ve thought of these films

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

So Brad Pitt is born old and gets younger as he gets older.  What a pointless mind rape.  Nothing happens in this movie.  It was like an abc family version of Forrest Gump. It wasn’t entirely bad, just not that good.

Valkyrie

Tom Cruise as a Nazi who tries to kill Hitler and thankfully fails.  Decent flick

Gran Torino

Clint Eastwood plays and old racist veteran who spews out hilarious racial slurs and makes us all wish for the good ole days. BEST MOVIE EVER.  OK, it wasn’t that good but as a fellow racist veteran I totally related.

The Wrestler

I grew up watching wrestling and was basically obsessed with it for 10 years.  I know the ins and outs of the business and this movie just nails it.  Mickey Rourke plays Randy the Ram, a beaten down warrior of the ring.  The film shows his struggle dealing with life after the glory.  Rourke gives the best performance of the year (besides Heath).  Rourke has to win best actor this year.  If not I’m mouth fucking the shit out of Glen Close!

That’s it…I’m gonna go drain my balls

Watchmen = Shit

Is this the only movie site on the planet that isn’t sucking off Watchmen ?

I hope this movie gets tied up in legal battles forever and never gets released.

Yeah, I heard it was BA and I also heard that its Rated R

But every preview I see, makes me feel like they’re ripping off Batman in some way. That everything done in this film has already been done by Batman somewhere.

Now they have this Japanese preview showing they’re ridiculous involvement in the JFK assassination. And that frankly is offensive.

I am outraged at this film. We here at Moviepooter.com have never done or said anything offensive in our entire 4 month run.

Also

This dude on the far right, who is that? Lynch Man?

And if that wasn’t offensive enough, clearly from the left in the characters are: Eva Braun, Arthur from The Tick, and Captain America in a cape.

Then we have Adam Ant, Mr. Freeze, the goddamned Rocketeer on one knee, Natalie Portman, and once again Lynch Man.

The only thing that would make me go see this film is if at the end they all skip into the sunset after saving the world, while Whitesnakes “Here I Go Again” blares through the theaters speakers.

So if you too are fed up with Watchmen and its offensive antics, you can hang out right here at Moviepooter.com.

Moviepooter.com better than Beastiality!

Seven Pounds. Really good?

The question mark draws you in. Now you have to read the review, and ask yourself, “Was it really good?”

Let me answer you. In one word.

Yes.

Will Smith drew me in with an unbelievable performance. From start to finish, the way he changed gears blew me away. Smith plays a character that draws upon emotions and in a few scenes he moves from angry to sad in the blink of an eye. Moving from first to fifth is hard to do. There aren’t many actors who can, unless you are Will Smith. Or Ben Affleck.

(Or Bale, but that was a given. From here on out, Christian Bale is the best actor ever and it is just an unspoken agreement. Every other role that he does not play the main character is only because he was too busy playing some other badass role. )

Rosario Dawson takes a very well written character and portrays it beautifully. This girl needs to get more props because she has some real fucking talent. And besides dudes jaggin it to her in Alexander she doesn’t get the attention she deserves.

In this film Will Smith plays an IRS agent who helps seven strangers in seven different ways. Haunted by his mysterious past, Will wants to make up for his mistakes and help seven other people.

There has only been one movie I was choked up over, about to cry, and that film was Miracle. Until I saw Seven Pounds.

Seven Pounds had me nearly in tears at the end of the film. Will Smith makes you believe everything that his character went through, and even though it is fiction, it is extremely moving what he does in the end.

Look, I don’t cry at movies. I just dont. But this film had me fighting them back.

And thats no joke.

2009. Fuck.

Oh hey there fuck faces!

2009 brings a new year, and new movies. Some of these films we are uber stoked for. Others…not so much.

With this new year, and a fresh slate, Moviepooter.com is excited to bring you the best reviews on the internet, whether it is in theaters now or out on DVD, we’ll have it here.

But with new movies, we have to see them first, and since this fuckin thing don’t pay us (yet) we have been busy with our real jobs.

Sorry we have mouths to feed at home, and movies aren’t free shitheads.

But the Pooter is alive and kicking and we are going to have new reviews up soon, and we might even have a list or two coming up in the future. We all know how much we hated doing that Christmas list, but it got traffic to the site,a nd what can we say? We’re attention whores so we’re going to keep doing what gets us traffic, even if it is posting naked pictures of Anne Hathaway